|
Gabriel Garnica A few years ago I was riding the subway when I saw this kid reading a Fantastic Four comic book. In case you do not know, the Fantastic Four is a quartet of superheroes each with special powers who work together to achieve their goals. In view of the success of the Spiderman movies, a Fantastic Four film is being released this summer.
What, you may ask, does any of this have to do with liberals? Well, for your information, they have their own group with special powers.
Chill Bill
The leader of our liberal superheroes is Chill Bill, a charismatic former president who can become indignant and enraged one minute and bite his lip and sway fawning, foolish fans who faint at his every phrase the next. He feels your pain, or at least pretends to, and he can talk his way out of almost anything. Who else can engage in oral sex and claim he did not have sex at all with that woman, Ms Lewinsky, all the while becoming indignant that people are not letting him “get down to business”? Who else can become enraged when accused of dishonesty after lying to the American public for so long? Who else can turn getting an office into a chance to snuggle up to his adoring African-American fans?
No matter what the predicament, accusation or tension convention, Chill Bill can smile, wink, twinkle, bite his lip and sashay right out of the way. He could be found naked with half the models on Deal or No Deal and talk his way into being Bob Barker’s replacement on The Price is Right. What a dude, indeed!
Hillabeans
Next we have Hillabeans, Chill’s “better” half who has the power to say much, do much and pretend much that does not, in the end, amount to a hill of beans. She has the power to camouflage her every move allowing for sudden reversals, stunning distortions and an ever-present power to display hypocrisy and audacity few can aspire to. Who else can have Whitewater and accuse others of deception, corruption and hiding stuff “under the rug”? Speaking of rugs, who else can joke that she will find skeletons when she looks under the White House rug even as her hubby was looking under the White House intern?
Who else can transform her speech and accents as needed, sounding like an Ivy League professor one minute and Scarlet O’Hara defending Tara the next? Speaking of transformations, I know of no other superhero who can actually alter their past with such aplomb, turning into a Yankees fan, a Jew, a Bible scholar, a military expert, a hunter or a friendly neighbor with coffee on cue. Few people on this planet can look at you with such a fake smile; pretend to care about so many things and then close with accusations that others are fakes. What makes all of these transformations so amazing is that, at the end of the day, one realizes that she has not done anything worth a hill of beans, hence her name. Truly, this woman is a piece of work, and most likely a counterfeit work at that.
Teflon Tongue
Our next liberal superhero is Al Sharptongue, most known as Teflon Tongue because absolutely nothing he says ever sticks to him. This man can spew the most racist and outrageous things with malice a few weeks after getting a radio icon fired for saying the most racist and idiotic things as a mindless joke. He can start race riots resulting in deaths, and fan the flames of racial discord for personal gain, with no fallout.
In addition to his ability to drivel offensive things every other week, Teflon Tongue has the unique ability to absolutely refuse to apologize for anything he ever says or does even as he demands a million apologies of others. He is able to strong arm companies and executives into kneeling before his agenda even as he pretends to know the path to God.
All of this despite the obvious fact that his only true gods are his pocket, his rhetoric and his mirror. Teflon’s final superpowers are his ability to call a prayer meeting, press conference or protest march on a dime as well as a unique ability to deflect past negatives and verbal offenses which never stick, hence his name.
Pelosifer
Our fourth superhero is Pelosifer, a leftist traitor who spews liberal philosophy like it is going out of style while stabbing America in the back with such regularity as to invite wonderment. This woman has the unique ability to embrace every leftist thug, despotic dictator and tyrannical beast possible while ignoring, mocking and offending anyone who even remotely respects America and what it should stand for.
Her skills include pretending to be about children even as she defends aborting them, pretending to represent the view of most Americans even as she promotes values and views most Americans reject, and pretending to be Catholic even she rejects and mocks much of what true Catholicism is all about.
JFKOOL
Our last liberal superhero is a newcomer to the liberal superhero scene, but what he lacks in tenure he more than makes up for in charismatic smiles and noble musings. This man can wow a crowd with his good looks and magnetic spews even as he looks left so often that he has forgotten that there is even a “right” way of seeing things.
What other person can call for the glare of accountability even as he hides his white grandmother in order to perpetuate his polished image and sales pitch? Who else can quote Scripture like he invented it while violating half of Scripture every time he spins his policies, views and positions? Finally, where else can one find someone who brings back visions of Camelot while spinning tall tales into fairy tales? Just watch a crowd shake in excitement as he proclaims that the time has come to pass the shovel to a new generation of liberals.
Conclusion
Our liberal superheroes are every bit as gifted and powerful as their comic book counterparts. They possess that rare combination of skill and nerve that few can possess, for it is truly rare to see such hypocrisy, audacity and elitist arrogance dressed in noble robes. Each of our heroes possesses unique talents that contribute to the liberal influence on this country’s social and political landscape.
Of course, what would any superhero story be without an ever-present press ever ready to report on the heroic acts of our fabulous frauds? Superman had Jimmy Olson, Perry White, Lois Lane and The Daily Planet. Spiderman had J. Jonah Jameson and The Daily Bugle. Our heroes have, well, just about the entire MSM with Katie Couric as Lois Lane.
Tragically, of all of their superpowers, the most visible and profound is their unique ability to make the greatness that once epitomized America disappear.
Copyright by Gabriel Garnica
Copyright © MichNews.com. All Rights Reserved.
|