Just months ago, Hillary Clinton believed she was comfortably and inevitably on her way to the paradise she regards as an entitlement earned by a lifetime of shameless lying — lied every word of the way, we should add, not through her teeth but an amoral mouth whose dismissive laugh women named Broaddrick, Jones, Willey, et al. have taught us is both contemptible and unfunny.

What Hillary and the rest of us couldn’t know, however, is that Irony had other ideas. So it was and still is that the one who never tires of confounding humanity’s “best-laid schemes” began working overtime to foil Hillary’s dream with ironic machinations — caring not a bit, by the way, about the collateral damage he might cause the Democratic Party.

With the primary battle now slouching toward an end in which supercitizens Democrats euphemistically call “superdelegates” will decide the issue, we pause to consider the battalions of troubles Irony has laid upon Hillary’s head since Iowa. As we do, another irony strikes us; for we marvel at how well in this task he has utilized words spoken by or about Lucifer in “Paradise Lost.”

Of course, this is not to equate mortal Hillary with the fallen angel of Milton’s epic, the “liar and father of lies.” It is simply to say that every time we look into great literature we find … well, let’s examine Irony’s work as we let Milton and current events do the talking.

To set himself in Glory above his Peers

Before he settled on installing an intelligent, eloquent, ambitious, attractive, less than one term U.S. Senator as Hillary’s antagonist, Irony thought long and hard about the astonishing selfishness that is the defining characteristic of Bill and Hillary Clinton, the couple who have never met a lie they wouldn’t lie, a principle they wouldn’t deny, a friend they wouldn’t betray, and a political party they wouldn’t destroy if doing so means gaining or holding on to power.

Then did he plague the duo with this political phenom — this true champion of the American Left, this candidate the Clintons would love to sister souljah with the epithet “Liberal” but dare not — absolutely certain that in reacting to a person Hillary and Bill regard as a presumptuous interloper but millions admire as a “rock star,” the duo would destroy themselves, with help, of course, from their imitative “horrid crew.”

And destroy themselves they have, as “Mixt with obdurate pride,” they have spun dirty insinuations, spewed haughty epithets, and spoken truths that considered in the context of a primary election can be interpreted only as intended to raise the basest of emotions in the public, not the level of public discourse.

Yes, Irony was absolutely certain that when the public and media caught the Obama Infatuation Bug (the German press, for example, has anointed Hillary’s opponent “Der schwarze [black] Kennedy”) the Clintons would behave like...like perfect Clintons.

In fact, so successful has Irony been in his labors that a week after Obama began suffering from the relentless radioactive fallout of the Reverend Wright Explosions, an NBC/WSJ poll revealed new lows for Hillary’s favorability ratings, even among women.

(How’s that for an example of Lincoln’s observation, “You can fool some of the people all of the time...but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”)

But Irony wasn’t finished because that stunning blast to Hillary’s prospects surely provided the candidate an opportunity to show off her vast, mature experience by throwing every lamp in the office while angrily screaming, “The unfair [expletive deleted] horror! The unfair [expletive deleted] horror!”

What though the field be lost?
All is not lost; the unconquerable Will,
And study of revenge...
And courage never to submit or yield...

To wage by force or guile eternal Warr
Irreconcileable

How well Irony understands that the Clintons know nothing else of life except the conduct of political warfare at its expedient, lying, pandering worst. How well he knows that in response to the horror of possibly losing a race, they would, regardless of the odds and the consequences, compulsively imitate the poker player who goes “all in.”

And recklessly risk it all Hillary has – of winning in November if she should steal the nomination, of a successful run in ’12 – first by pushing a pile of race baiting into the center of the table and then adding to it a pile of big lies (the sine qua non of Clintonian behavior).

With regard to the latter, Irony had not a doubt “foreign policy expert” Hillary would insult every honorable person, from the most ordinary to the most important, who for decades had labored agonizingly to bring peace to Northern Ireland.

He had no doubt she would reject saying, “Well, at least, Barack, I’ve visited Bosnia,” but would choose, instead, to insult every soldier facing death in that nation and every other person on her trip by claiming she bravely ducked her way through sniper fire as, determined to bring peace to the Balkans, she dashed...to what, an awaiting armored vehicle with room for only one passenger?

(Hillary to Sinbad: “Sorry, but you’ll have to wait out the attack in a foxhole; here’s your shovel.”)

O! the irony of it all, especially because unlike pundits who accept Hillary’s muck of “misspoke” or Washington’s mire of “embellished,” the honest, plain spoken folks Hillary desperately needs on her side know a civilian would never forget coming under sniper fire.

Therefore, learning a lesson from Hillary’s demeaning of truth telling women by sliming them as minions of a “vast Right-wing conspiracy,” those folks will condemn the “slip” as another one of Hillary Clinton’s particularly disgusting lies — unless Hillary can explain her confusion by pointing to another Bosnian disembarkation in which she actually did run for her life, hunched to avoid sniper bullets whizzing overhead.

For never can true reconcilement grow
Where wounds of deadly hate have peirc’d so deep

If we listen to Irony instead of political shills, we will understand that despite her popularity among hear, see, and speak no evil Clintophiles, Hillary Clinton is finished as a serious presidential candidate

...because black Americans, white Liberals, and Obamayouth have joined the nearly 50% of voters who perceive her for what she is

...because whether it’s the Election of ’08 or ’12, black Democrats and white Liberals hold de facto veto power over her candidacy

(In this regard Irony challenges the most ardent Clinton supporter to explain how, in the face of the black veto alone, a presidential candidate Hillary has any chance of winning blue states such as Pennsylvania and Michigan, red states such as Florida, Ohio, and Virginia, or a shaded state such as Missouri.)

...because great numbers of her party regard her as toxic

(Irony would never try to put a happy face on comments posted about Hillary by ordinary Democrats in media as diverse as The Huffington Post, the Daily Kos, and the New York Times — though he has passed out many a happy face sticker to Clintoshills.)

...because millions of Democrats, including a large number of Democratic leaders, have come to realize they can do better than look for leadership from a dangerous duo whose insatiable love of power and wealth, limitless egotism, and incessant irresponsibility bounce them from one wave of chaos and crisis to another, to which they inevitably react with a monomaniacal self-interest that asks only

...how we may henceforth most offend
Our Enemy, our own loss how repair,
How overcome this dire Calamity,
What reinforcement we may gain from Hope,
If not what resolution from despare.

The foregoing describes some of Irony’s most important efforts aimed at undoing Hillary Clinton’s quest for the earthly paradise she deems her inheritance; and for them he deserves our gratitude. There is, however, this crucially important caveat: Irony has done what he has done; but he makes no guarantees about tomorrow, especially because his work is not always for the Good.

In that regard, consider the rebellion in Paradise, where free-willed angels so much allowed Pride to play upon the frailty called The Love of Power that they would “defie th’ Omnipotent to Arms” only to lose their fight in “dubious Battel on the Plains of Heav’n,” lose their place in Perfection, and, ironically, win a place in hell, where they continue still what some today call “the endless campaign.”

Therefore, in things political, as in all, we must understand it is we, exercising our free will, who will ultimately win or lose the battle not just against the institution of a Clinton monarchy but against every threat to the health of our democracy; for given the profound frailties of human nature, “Eternal vigilance is [indeed] the price of liberty.”

Copyright by A.J. DiCintio